When a loved one dies, there is a set of common reactions, such as shock, denial, anxiety, anger, sadness, guilt, among others. If recognizing all these emotions and deal with them can be a great challenge, the challenge is even greater with all the restrictions that have been part of our daily life because of Covid-19.
Suffering immediately precedes the moment of death – with restrictions on hospital visits, but also in nursing homes, not allowing us to be physically close to those we love. Often, given the current circumstances, feelings of guilt are also generated about the way, for example, we took care of the one who left – “And if I hadn’t taken my father to the hospital, would he have died with less suffering? “, etc. What might happen is that the person starts to have ruminative thoughts, which generate a lot of suffering and may conditionate the good resolution of the grief.
Another consequence of the current restrictions is due to changes in rituals. The funeral ritual is extremely important in the grieving process, because this is a concluding ritual. It allows us to be confronted with the reality of the death of the loved one and also an important moment in which our feelings about his death can be expressed. At the same time, the funeral is also a moment in which we can remember the person in life and, through all the memories that can be accessed, this creates the possibility of resolving what may have been left behind.
With the current restrictions, funerals, when they happen, are held in small groups, and mourning done together is neglected. People end up being isolated with their thoughts and feelings. In cases where the funeral is not carried out, as in the deaths with Covid-19, since it is impossible to say goodbye to the physical body, many times the person who is in the process of grieving cannot fully perceive the death of the loved one, with an unconscious expectation of seeing the person who died, which may make the grieving process difficult.
It is necessary, as such, to create alternatives to the old rituals, like, for example, writing a diary, where each one can, for example, share with others the stories and memories of the person who died. Children may be asked to make drawings and paintings.
On the other hand, it is important that relatives talk about the loss, and that all possibilities, even if virtual, are taken advantage of. The same applies to the search of social support. It is important that the feelings of loss are recognized and that they are equally expressed, although this expression varies from person to person, recognizing that each grieving process is an individual process
Daniela Ferreira 